Giving Up Utopia: The Double Down
Last issue I wrote about letting go of your personal Utopia. I got some flack about that statement, being accused of dashing any hope for living, and dealing an existential blow to dreams and goals.
Well, maybe that's a good thing. The whole idea of living the quantum life is to live in possibility. Yes, Utopias are a single possibility. The thing is, there are infinitely more possibilities than that. What looks like Utopia today, is not what it's going to look like five years from now. In fact, it is almost guaranteed it will never happen, ever, because there is a judgement about how life is not living up to this projected Utopia and a huge conclusion that happiness is only possible within that Utopia.
The Universe responds first to conclusions and judgements. "I can't be happy until these conditions are met." The Universe hears, "I have unhappiness with these conditions," and so continues to deliver that. This is because how you respond to not having certain Utopian conditions is the energy the Universe is referencing in its response.
A much more effective quantum living approach is "These are the current conditions of my life. Now... How does it get better? What else is possible?" Live in those questions for a while without bemoaning anything about those conditions. Instead, be curious about how things are changing for the better--meaning changing toward more and more possibility that in turn offers more and more choice, and therefore, more and more awareness. After a few days or weeks of this, things will start showing up you had no idea were possible--and, they're wonderful. You enlisted the quantum-ness of the Universe and it reflected back to you the energy of "how does it get better".
A couple of years after the passing of my partner and founder of this company, Shay Arave, I started entertaining thoughts about being in a new long-term relationship. Nowadays, it's logical to jump on the various dating sites and see what pops up. One of my preferences is that the person be spiritually oriented, and preferably well versed in metaphysical matters.
This narrowed things down considerably, and I ended up on Spiritual Singles dot com. After six "dates", I started realizing I had concluded (as well as my dates) that the only "real" relationship was a long-term one, yet, how could I know what would be "long-term" without being with someone long term? It started feeling like a disengenuous paradox somehow. All these people looking for a "long term relationship", without realizing how judgemental that is.
What exactly is going to convince them this or that person is long-term material? This person is cool because they're a vegetarian, interested in astrology, blonde, attractive, has kids, but they're grown and out of the house, has a dog, doesn't like cats. Perfect. Well, what happens when these things change? What happens when they decide to start eating meat again? Decide they don't like astrology, lose their hair, gain 50 pounds and decide to get a cat? The point is, we have no idea at all what a long-term relationship looks like until we have a relationahip that has gone long term. All three of the ones I've had (one for 17 years) ended disastrously. I had to admit I had no clue.
The quantum living approach? "This is my relationship life. How does it get better than that?" As I embraced living in this question, new possibilities almost immediately came to me--and some very intriguing ones I hadn't even considered. The choices began to mount, and my awareness increased, especially about my judgements, conclusions and preferences. I realized I didn't really want a "long-term" anything. I just wanted to share my life with someone who respects me and what I do and allows me complete freedom in the creation of my life. I'd be happy if that was for just 20 minutes or 20 years. I'd successfully deconstructed the "long term relationship" myth for myself.
So, by remaining in the question when you want to change something, feeling that energy of How does it get better? without judging or concluding anything, it just might bring you everything you've actually ever wanted and most likely beyond.
To your quantum health,
Boyd Martin, President